For many of us who are become married, experience a wonderful life wit hour partners and a very happy and enjoyable life. A high percentage of marriages have the occasional argument and minor quarrel, and sometimes advance into more of a rough period, was both parties are struggling to get alone like they use to. If both parties are still in love and there are other reasons causing stress in and around the married environment, then it is time to take the necessary precautions to prevent divorce.
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If your marriage has hit a rough spot due to violence, cheating or any other serious areas, then it is likely that one of you will not want the marriage to work; therefore the only real option is to file for a divorce. This can only get complicated if you end on a sour note or one of you is been extremely awkward about the split up, which can unfortunately quite often be the case.
When you know you both still want a future together, and times are getting tough, and you have tried every last resort on your own, it is time for you to seek marriage counseling []. This can be found through the internet or local papers, and sometimes word of mouth. Always call around, do your research, and ask for referrals, as the more couples that have been counseled and are still together then the much better chance you have of it working for your marriage.
Your marriage counselor will ask you hundreds of different questions about you individually and as a group, and try to address the root of the problem, and what avenue you to take. Normally it is advised to try and take a few self tests from internet e-book purchases, as they can be extremely helpful, and with high success rates can be well worth the $30 purchase, rather than a face to face counselor costs several hundred dollars, which can sometimes turn into thousands.
What all courses and counselors teach you to firstly do are to communicate at a respectable level, without any shouting and arguing, and also to compromise in certain areas, and to stop been selfish or dominant to the other half.
In modern times, partners can take a break and go away for a week to special destinations that cater for couples having a hard time, and present a perfect loving surrounding to help build back the loving relationship you once had. These types of packages can cost a lot of money, so if money is a major problem in your marital tension, then opt for the internet e-book purchase.
Couples who genuinely want their marriage to work, and love their partners just as much as the day they married, will find the time, effort and money if necessary, to make their marriage work. After all they both committed to a happy life together; therefore you should really work at that, unless it was just a genuine mistake from both parties.
When a couple is evaluating marriage counseling, one of the inevitable questions is (or should be) "will this actually work?"
Ask any marriage counselor, and the answer will be yes.
Ask anyone who has actually been through marriage counseling, and you may get a very different answer.
Below is some objective information that was retrieved through a survey of different families, marriages, and counselors, which should bear weight on anyone's decision to pursue marriage counseling.
The Caveat
Ask any marriage counselor what the most important ingredient to a successful outcome, and the unanimous answer will be the motivation of the couple involved. Good counselors, great counselors, even outstanding counselors cannot help someone who has already made up their mind to leave a relationship. However, most people who decide to leave a relationship do so only after concluding that there is no way to get what they want from their Love Coach current spouse. In which case, an outstanding counselor can help show that person how they can in fact do just that.
In a study involving 15 states, 526 marriages and counselors, the following information was reported:
98.1% rated services good or excellent
97.1% got the kind of help they desired
91.2% were satisfied with the amount of help they received
93% said they were helped in dealing more effectively with problems
94.3% would return to the same therapist in the future
96.9% would recommend their therapist to a friend
97.4% were generally satisfied with the service they received
63.4% reported improved physical health
54.8% reported improvement in functioning at work
73.7% indicated improvement in children's behavior
Now, before we assume that marriage counseling is great and does work, we must keep a few things in mind.
1. As counselors have increased, divorce numbers hold steady at 50%.
WE have more marriage counselors than ever before. The divorce rate is higher than ever. If marriage counseling was all that effective, the divorce rate should go down in proportion to the number of counselors available.
2. Many counselors show bias.
Counselors are people, and while we hope they are objective, the reality is that many counselors will show bias. They will choose a side, and attempt to focus on one "guilty party" to pin all the blame to, while favoring the other party. This creates resentment and increases marital problems and strife. If the favored parties were the ones surveyed, it's not surprising that there was a high satisfaction rate. Unfortunately, they did not ask the reporting parties if they were in fact still married.
3. Focus
Many counselors attempt to get their clients to stop a behavior, without addressing the underlying need of a negative behavior and giving the client a healthy way to solve the problem. If the focus is on making a client feel good, then they will likely be happy with their counseling, even if the desired result is not achieved. In other words, it represents satisfaction, not if there was significant change accomplished.
As in all studies, one has to bear in mind that the numbers can be shaped to reflect whatever the reporter wants. It does however lend credence to the idea that having a third party intervene and provide professional guidance can accomplish great things.